The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
