Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
