i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your cock deserves a montage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drake has all the answers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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