a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
