If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
