My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
