I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
