best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
FUCK WHALES
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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