dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
