Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A+ Viking dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
