bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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