Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
