Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
