This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
