im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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