what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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