So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
