I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
