Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
