The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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