508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
