Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
