EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
