Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
