Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
