If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
