Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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