help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
