butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
