franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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