I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
