I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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