Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
