Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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