i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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