Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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