My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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