I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
nutella sex= disaster
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
