you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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