I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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