i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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