Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
