what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
