singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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