Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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