Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
