Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
