absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
