the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
