I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
