I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
