I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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